I had my last chemo in August – – by Thanksgiving I had what I called “sprouts” growing out of my head. I reminded myself of the 90’s energetic TV pitch woman – Susan Powder. “You have to eat, breath, and MOVE,” she’d say. Her very short hair would was at least spikeable. Mine was so baby fine, it was laughable. Yes, I had hair on my head but at this point I felt more like me (the me I was tried so hard not to leave behind) with my wig, NOT the new hair growing out of my head.
It was hard for some people to understand that- especially after I was officially in remission. Friends used to say – – you have hair – why are you still wearing your wig? That used to make me so mad!! Sometimes I would want to SCREAM back “You cut all your hair off then!” I felt it would be different if I chose to have short hair – but I did not choose it and I felt so punished by it. It takes SOOOO long for short hair to grow to a length long enough to cut it into a cute style. But nobody ever considers that.
I know friends were just trying to be supportive and say how beautiful I looked with very short hair – but I would have no part of it. One friend had the sheer nerve to suggest that holding on to my wigs was me holding on to my illness – that I just was not ready to be well. It was all I could do to refrain from throwing the restaurant table into her lap. I simply did not feel good about me with short hair – no psycho babble needed.
I wore a wig, a fall with a headband (and my own hair visible on my hairline to the headband), or a fake ponytail clip until my hair was long enough for me – not for anyone else. I waited until I could have a short layered bob and that suited me just fine!
You will know when you feel comfortable without your wig. No one can or should make that decision for you. Do not be bullied by the nurses or well-meaning friends. They have NO idea what you are going through – the changes in appearance and emotions Just be true yourself with whatever hair you chose.